I left church today feeling really down. A mixture of exhaustion and hormones, threatening to push tears over the brink of my tired eyes. My baby girl snuggled close asleep in a sling – and needing some head space, I opted to get the train home to let her sleep, whilst my hubby drove home with Grace. I picked up a mocha from Costa, sat on the cold, rigid seats on platform 2 at Guildford station, trying to hold back the threatening sobs and my rising sense of panic at being caught so vulnerable in public.
I look up postnatal depression on my phone. Deciding to text a dear friend to ask for prayer, my battery dies. Internally screaming, I shout to God, “Okay, what now? I need you.”
To my left, I notice a lady 30+ years my senior who makes friendly conversation about my sleeping babe. She has a pair of binoculars around her neck and I venture to ask her what she’s on the look out for. She’s on her way to a guided archeological walk – apparently they’re good for bird spotting. I tell her I’m currently obsessed with a programme called Time Team, turns out she is too. We unashamedly admit to each other that we frequently watch the same episode more than once. We lament about lead archaeologist Mick’s sad passing a few years ago. We get on the train, we chat some more. We get onto the topic of Alpha and church.
I get off the train, having momentarily forgotten my dilemma and start wondering if I’d missed saying something that God might have wanted to say to this lovely lady. Gently, the Holy Spirit dropped a sparkling thought into my stilled heart, God wasn’t looking for me to do anything, He just wanted to be my comforter. To provide the answer to my silent panicked heavenward shouts.
Of all the people that could sit next to me, at that moment, it’s a lovely lady called Gwyneth who shares my random love of an obscure programme about archeology. My God, who knows me and sees me and loves me, orchestrated a very specific conversation just to cheer me up. My Father God cares for me. I just wish I could tell her how God used her to calm the heart of a daughter that He dearly loves.