Don’t wake in the night and cry out in terror
You are never abandoned
I am here
Whatever sights vexed your mind’s eye
Peace
I am near
Don’t close your eyes to love and let in fear
Don’t wake in the night and cry out in terror
You are never abandoned
I am here
Whatever sights vexed your mind’s eye
Peace
I am near
Don’t close your eyes to love and let in fear
You know when you realise you’ve wasted half your life on misguided fear
Like a drunken misadventure and you’ve become aware far too late, that this person you’re cosying up to in the corner, you wouldn’t have touched with a barge pole if sober
Had you seen with clear eyes that this affair with fear was only going to leave you out in the cold, identity clouded and searching for your soul
Too many times I let your interest define me, your disinterest define me
Wasn’t taught to value me, was only mocked and disciplined for who others moulded me to be
You bartered for my sexuality like I was yours to buy, only children caught in an adults game
But it’s not charades, it’s not pretending when you touched me like you owned me and sent fear into the very heart of me
And I learnt that attention from boys, attention from men equalled desirability
So I laughed off education, surrendered to depression and defined my life by sexual admiration
All the while fear crept in, it kept me caged, it kept me in and I never explored or had adventures with people or stories that fed my soul
Fed it with hope, fed it with joy, fed it with possibility
And even though I know there is freedom from fear, still I struggle daily
Don’t want to let those ugly moments define and chain me
Want to be able to see a clean page free from insecurity
So every day in some small way I stand defiant of all that fear
Fear that I’ve wasted it all and it’s way too late to live my life with eyes that see and a heart that hopes
I look in the mirror and see who God sees, a miracle, a life, purpose in living
I will not be defined by the ghosts of the past, I’ll be defined and changed by truth and love